Did They Think I'd Have To Go To High School?

The first six years of my professional career were spent working at a no-income welfare office. I hold no ill will towards this population of our society sometimes called the underclass. The way I see it you are what you know. My parents went to work to get money, therefore I went to work. If my parents went to the welfare office for income, then I would have probably done the same. What soured me on the job was my inability to help educate people on such issues as family planning (it wasn't allowed...thanks pro-life lobby) and the value of higher education, or, just education in general, to name a few. I began to become frustrated with those who blamed me for their children being hungry. Now granted, I did not father these children, as I am female, nor did I tell them to miss an appointment resulting in a delay in their benefits. But what really put me in a conniption fit, daily, was the names they gave their children.

Granted, in this great land of ours, freedom is valued. However, I know some who think deeply about names they give their children. I have several friends who have recently become parents and they thought intelligently about their children's names. I even know one couple who did not divulge the name of their child until after it's birth for good reason. They wanted to see their child before naming it. Nor did they did not want comments regarding their choice, and I respected that. But sometimes one can't help but wonder, where the hell did they come up with that name? It is for that reason I will reveal to you some names I have seen or had to hear pronounced to believe.

There are the "I thought it was a minimal pair": Female pronounced fah-ma-lay: Expedition pronounced ex-po-di-shawn; Shithead prounounced shi-tayed. There are the what were you drinking?: Sharddonnay; Cabernnay. The what were you doing?: Quinella; Trifecta. The what were you driving?: Lexus; Porche. There are the "I love being a woman": Placenta; Clitoris. There are the "I thought I was a Royal": Jennifer II; George I, II, III, IV, V (sorry Foreman, he was never a client). There are ones named after periods of time: Todae; Yesterdae; and Sherman Tonight. And finally, there are the what the fuck were you thinking?: Babe~e~luv (That's original, right?!); Orangejello; Lemonjello; Alien Paz; Aryan (unfortunately, everyone will know what they think/believe). Incidentally, most of the related themes were siblings.

A big special thanks goes out Christopher Lee Mello. For if I had never asked him if his parents realized that they named him Chris Mello, he would never have responded, "Did they think I'd have to go to high school?".