Sunday, May 31, 2009

Pee Like A Dog Poop Like A Cat

Warning: If you have a weak stomach when it comes to the human digestive tract or reproductive system, you may want to stop reading now.

In the office building where I work there is one ladies room for the whole building. It has 5 regular stalls and 1 "big" stall. The last few times I have gone to do my business, little gifts were left behind. Not in just one stall, but in several stalls. What the fuck, ladies?! This is not a daycare where some are potty trained and others are not. I know this because I have seen remnants of those "falling to Communists", if you get my drift. If I wanted to use a port-o-potty, I would have gotten a job at a construction site. Other personal items have also remained after the flushing of the comfort station. Sometimes the curtains don't match the rug as told by the evidence left on the lid.

I am starting to feel like the character Paul Finch from American Pie. I am getting to the point where I have to drive home to use the commode. The most common occurrence is pee on the seat. When did the old adage, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat, fall by the wayside? Really? You can't clean up after yourselves? I clean up my vomit chunks that don't make it in the porcelain receptacle every day after lunch.

The best/worst has to be the other day when there was shit, that's right, shit, on the side of the toilet bowl. I kid you not. I couldn't believe it. I ended up vomiting in the trash can that day. Dogs have better bathroom behavior than the adults I work with.

I think I am going to start going outside by the tree in the parking lot, and lifting my leg when I need to void my bladder. If I need to go number two, then I will imitate a cat. Cats cover up their poop with dirt when they are done.

Problem solved.


  1. Never had poo on the seat, but almost always pee. I know we are men and sometimes there is an off shoot, but what the fuck? We are adults, lift the seat. OH and WASH YOU HANDS! I don't wanna touch your dick or ass when I have to shake your you wanna touch mine? PS I wanna see Pickle poo like a cat...then look up and go, "MEOW!"

  2. Pickles, I certainly can relate to your irritations in this department. While you were on your lovely vacation in Florida, I had the great pleasure of coming in direct contact with someone's waste...both #1 and #2. I also noticed that there was no toilet paper in the commode. Nice! So, not only do we work with some ladies (can they even be referred to as such?) that don't flush, we also work with some who don't wipe, either. I may join you in using the tree to urinate and hey, I'll bring a litter box if you get the litter!