Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Crime Can Pay

There seems to be an epidemic in my fair city. The police department has noted a heap of car break-ins as of late. I know this to be true because my co-workers at the downtown restaurant where I work have experienced several break-ins. All have had to replace windows. Some lost personal belongings, while others have lost radios, CB's, and the like. I know what you're thinking. CB's...don't you mean CD's? No, CB's. I live in Texas, ya'll. These acts of wrongdoing have happened at all times of the day and night. One never knows when the next filcher will strike. But the Austin Police Department are on the case!

According to a report I saw on the local news, pilfering has been happening not only in the parking lot where I work, but at malls, apartment complexes, daycare centers, and apparently, anywhere someone parks a vehicle. The downtown area, per said report, has had an increase of 14%. I don't know how many there were before, but 14% is higher than 13%, so it must be bad.

However, the Five-O have devised a way to assist citizens in protecting their accouterments (thanks Jack Rebney). The Fuzz have been going around to areas where these crimes are likely to happen, looking in vehicles, and writing "progress reports". You may say to yourselves, "progress reports?". Again, yes, progress reports. What, you may ask yourselves, are these progress reports? Well, I am here to tell you. They are tickets the Po-Po are putting on windshields of cars where folks have left their treasures in plain sight. The Heat have been looking into the windows of parked cars in these high crime areas, taking note of valuables, then writing these items on a ticket to place on the owners' windshield.

Take heed criminals. These badge holders are making your job easier. If you are looking for a gift for that special someone, maybe a second-hand laptop for granny's 80th birthday, or perhaps some change for that next rock of crack, look no further. These are all itemized on a progress report left for you on your next victims windshield. Don't waste your time cutting your hand trying to break a window that will result in a less than satisfactory find.

Oh yeah, and never forget that famous quote from 1981, "Hey, let's be careful out there." Sergeant Phil Esterhaus would never forgive me for not reminding you. Over and out.

1 comment:

  1. I used to tell my mom that I kept my car trashy lookin on the inside as a theft deterrent. My car was never broken into in El Paso (5 min drive to Mexico) but my radio was stolen within a month of moving to Austin. I have to drive around with a fish shaped shower radio suctioned onto my side window for months!