Saturday, December 19, 2009

How Do You Get A Sorority Girl To Suck Your Dick?

The answer and much more will be revealed at the end of this rant.

But seriously, when did ranch dressing become a condiment? Wow...egg on my face...dressing is a condiment, by definition. A condiment is: (noun) something used to give a special flavor to food. A synonym is dressing, and according to Wikipedia, ranch dressing is a condiment made of buttermilk or sour cream, mayonnaise, mince green onions, garlic powder, and other seasonings mixed into a sauce. Just a heads up, "other seasonings" is code for MSG.

Working in an Italian restaurant, ranch dressing has become a popular condiment to pair with pizza. This isn't the worst thing in the world, but it is ranked up there with ketchup on a beautifully cooked medium rare filet mignon. Who wouldn't want to douse their food into a bowl of buttermilk and mayonnaise? I mean c'mon! A cupful of semi-gelatinous white cream with other seasonings? Really!?!

But, here is where my discontent really lays, when this scenario plays out while waiting tables at the restaurant. If a person knows that they must have a specific condiment with their food, ask for it when ordering your food. No one likes high maintenance anything. I also have a displeasure for those customers who require pints of ranch dressing but, feel there should be no charge for the shocking amount of "condiment" they need for their food. It adds up people. Food costs, labor, many behind the scenes goings on. Remember that old saying? There's no such thing as a free condiment.

Oh yeah...I almost forgot...the answer to the title of this blog...

Put ranch on it.

I live in a college town. What else can I say?

1 comment:

  1. You forgot part 2 of the joke.
    How do you get her to swallow?
    Tell her it is fat free!