Cruise Director Julie McCoy I'm Not

Somehow working at a restaurant in the downtown area has given people the idea that I know a lot about what is going on in the city on any given day. Well, I am here to tell you that I don't. I am just the lowly waitress bringing your food and drink. I wait tables at a restaurant across from a park that hosts all types of festivals, concerts, and the like. The restaurant is also three blocks from an arena which hosts sporting events, concerts, comedy shows, and other such happenings. Three blocks in the other direction is an amphitheater where many concerts are held. Whenever one of these venues has something going on the restaurant becomes much busier. That I like. It puts more cash in my otherwise empty pockets. What I don't like is the bombardment of seemingly innocent questions I am asked during these rushes. (For those of you who have never worked in the restaurant industry, a rush is when it is so busy you don't have time for anything but the waiting of tables.)

Some of the questions asked are so idiotic it makes me want to slap people. I am going to the concert up the street. Do you know what time the doors open? No, but maybe if you look at the ticket YOU bought that may have the information you need. Do you know what time the music ends? No, but maybe you could check the schedule on your iPhone. If you don't have a one I will rent you mine for fifty cents a minute. Where can we park if we are going to the show? In a parking space near the venue. Do you know who is playing? Okay, this is usually asked when there is a free concert at the earlier mentioned park, but I don't know. I am at work.

Other nights, or days when there may be something going on further downtown, I am often asked random questions that only the employees or members of the chamber of commerce are privy to knowing. Do you know what is going on downtown? Nope, just here working today. Hope you find the answer. There are a bunch of streets closed downtown. Do you know what is going on? No, I had to work today so I didn't look to see what magical event I might be missing.

A favorite most hated question is asked when I am generally very busy. You may notice I am busy working, because I am your waitress. But hey, ask away. Can you take our picture? Sure, just let me wipe the sweat off my brow so I don't fuck up your nice digital camera, and right after I take the orders, bring the drinks, and serve the food to my other tables. You know, those other people you could have asked to take your picture, the ones just sitting around at the next table not working.

However, the icing on the cake has to be questions regarding whether or not I have some crayons or something that will keep your children at bay while you try to eat a nice dinner. It is not my responsibility to keep your children entertained. Those are called baby-sitters. A novel concept...I know.

Try to remember people, I am your waitress. I am not a cast member on your TV cruise ship. I am not your cruise director Julie McCoy, here to help you when you can't help yourself. I am not your bartender Issac Washington, who had a right answer for everything. Nor am I Yeoman-Purser Burl "Gopher" Smith, who went on in real life to become a US senator, helping to create the laws regarding sound ordinances, closing of streets, and where parking is allowed or not allowed. (On a federal level, but you get the idea.)

Get a baby-sitter, be informed about your leisure activities, and let me do my job. I'm busy!