Octopussy

Oh Nadya Suleman, what goes through that sick selfish mind of yours? I was trying my best to look the other way when I saw your ascitic looking belly on TV before you bore those eight babies. I was really hoping you just had some nachos hiding in there, like on the Taco Bell commercial. But no, you had those embryos implanted. Six children was not enough? Charles Darwin must be turning in his grave.

The basic theory of evolution is to get one's genes into the next generation. Natural selection, in a nutshell, is a process causing heritable traits that are helpful for survival and reproduction to become more common in a population, and harmful traits to become more rare. This occurs because individuals with advantageous traits are more likely to reproduce, so that more individuals in the next generation inherit these traits. Ms. Suleman, your traits are not advantageous. You are scary. There is a reason you needed all in vitro pregnancies...no one wanted your genes to be passed on. It seems not even your own mother.

I am not sure how this woman financially provides for her children. Maybe she is still stripping on the side. I know many men who are hot for a stripper whose uterus hangs out between their legs, especially when she is an Angelina Jolie wannabe. The tips should just roll in for that freak show.

I recently read (albeit in a tabloid, so I'm not sure how valid the source) that she has moved into a house, 2500 square feet to be exact, at a cost of a mere $564,900. The house is in La Habra, California, located in the northwestern corner of the OC (tell those crazy Cohens I said hey). The cribs, mattresses, and bedding for these new octuplets only cost $12,000. The saddest part of the furniture and accessory situation is that the poor little creatures will have to double up. I know when I was growing up sharing a room with my sister, I was just glad we didn't have to share a bed. That would have just been embarrassing.

A toast to you Ms. Suleman. May the road rise to meet your sagging uterus. May the wind be stong enough to push it back where it belongs.