1000 Island Dressing

Working in a restaurant, one encounters all kinds. The restaurant where I currently work is located in the capital of Texas, Austin. Austin is also home to the UIL basketball tournament (high school basketball...let's go to state, ya'll). Every year during the first two weekends in March, the city is descended upon by high schoolers and their fans. This tournament brings with it folks from everywhere in Texas, including the smallest of towns. For example, White Settlement, population 14,831 and Concepcion, population 61 (I guess they are not taking the Spanish definition or the English translation literally).

Now don't get me wrong, I love me some Texans, but these people need to Google restaurant etiquette while dining in the big city before coming into my restaurant. $2.00 is not the proper tip on a check total of $68.93. Even if it is put directly into the palm of the waiter's hand while saying, "This is for you darlin. You bin the the best waitress ah've ever had serve me". I have heard little nuggets like, "Did ya'll see that guy's t-shirt? It said keep Austin weird. I told ya'll this was a blue town." Keep Austin Weird does not mean 'stinkin liberal commie town'. It was a campaign slogan made up by the city to encourage people to buy from local businesses...not Wal-Mart.

But my favorite, by far, I hear every year has to do with 1000 Island dressing. You know, that disgusting concoction that makes a good salad turn into a bad hamburger. We do not have 1000 Island dressing where I wait tables. We have scrumptious dressings made from scratch among them are Tomato Basil Vinaigrette and Parmesan Peppercorn. Yet, every year I hear statements such as: "If you ain't got no 1000 Island dressin, then I don't want no salad" or "You ain't got no 1000 Island dressin? What kinda restraunt you runnin?"

Maybe next year I will bring in a bottle of 1000 Island dressing, put it on the counter with a sign saying not for sale. That'll teach them not to mess with this stinkin liberal commie!